Menfolk, Stop Reading Now

We’ll be talking about breasts. And you wouldn’t be interested in that.

Squeezing breasts, to be more precise. I had my first mammogram today. And the part I dreaded most was the handling of my breast by a strange woman. And guess what? That was the worst part.

For those that have never had one, here’s the rundown:

1. Check in for procedure. I did not agree to pay $25 to have the Computer Assisted Diagnosis as I’d like to have a doctor look at the results, not a computer. And, I’m cheap.
2. See that every table in the waiting room has a piece of paper taped to it that says “please leave magazines here”. I do not see one magazine in the entire place. Ever.
3. Get taken back to a corridor that says “women only” on the door. Interesting.
4. Sit in another waiting room.
5. See a woman in a full length pink gown in the waiting room. Uh oh, I haven’t shaved my legs.
6. Have my name called and am told to change into a gown. The “gown” is more like a jacket and would be snug on Calista Flockhart. I’m serious. I don’t know many people that this jacket would fit. I go back into the corridor and ask if they have any in a larger size. They look at me like I am an alien and then say no. I ask if I can just wear my shirt into the room.
7. Get into the room and the lady is just doing paperwork, etc. Then basically tells me to take off my top. Yay. I get to undress in front of her and stand there naked from the waist up. I’m so happy.
8. She tells me that she has to put stickers on my nipples. What? No one has mentioned this to me. I have since learned that this is old technology, and digital mammography doesn’t require this. Now I’m wondering about that $25.
9. I ask the girl her name. I feel like I should know this much, since she’s essentially getting to second base with me.
10. Lots of breast manipulation at this point. Not enjoyable. Not the worst thing I’ve been through though.
11. I get to get dressed in front of her. Another pleasant experience.
12. She has me sit in the waiting room so she can make sure the films are clear. I’m thinking they’re going to have to bribe me to disrobe again, if they’re not.
13. Encounter a 65 year old woman in the waiting room, the one in the full length pink gown. She’s there for a bone scan. She’s only ever had one mammogram and will never have another. Was too painful. She was glad her cousin/best friend got one every year, but she never would. She felt that it was so painful that it would cause a problem, rather than diagnose one.
14. Get the all clear from my technician, which saves me from an exasperated conversation with the 65 year old.

Final thoughts? If you’re due for one, schedule it, get it done. The boob squeezing isn’t pleasant, but it’s not worth avoiding.

And here’s the 5k update: I have blisters! My soles were killing me, so I got some insoles today. They didn’t help much, and I think that the shoes are too big, so I got a blister. Back to the Running Store tomorrow. Anyone have any sock recommendations?